Kiss and make-up!

Yesterday I joined eight other bare-faced, bug-eyed women with scraped back hair and all vestiges of makeup removed in scurrying into a small, but lovely, conference room in a local hotel. All with our heads down, terrified of being spotted by anyone we knew, we ran, feeling highly exposed and mildly embarrassed into…. make-up school.

While we waited for the last few women to arrive, we nervously tittered at the small talk around the large table which was carefully laid out with the tools we were about to use in a major transformation. A transformation that started with concealer and – after three hours of expert tuition – ended with bright pink lipstick.

Oh the bliss of sitting around comparing Fruity Lush blusher with Queen Pashmina eye-shadow. The woman next to me found she can ‘do’ blusher and the young Mum of toddlers that mascara can be applied in 10 seconds flat without smudging. The oohs and ahhs around the table were delightful to hear as these mostly professional women discovered how powerful a touch of eyeliner can be when placed in exactly the right position.

Girly madness? Maybe.

But what amazed me as we said our goodbyes at the end of the morning, was the sheer confidence, nay, swagger that each and every one of us had developed without doing anything except indulging in all things make-up for a morning.

Yes from just that bit of properly applied lippy, deftly buffed cheekbones and expertly framed eyes, everyone in the room was walking two feet taller, utterly delighted and yet very comfortable with their new found glamour. We were a mixed bag of ages, sizes, skin tones and professions, yet had a common thread of knowing we each looked good. And that had the universal effect of banishing completely those nervous women who had entered the room three hours earlier with hunched shoulders and heads down. We were bandying first names around like we’d known each other all our lives. I’d gone from politely asking my neighbour what she did for a living, to telling her that her lips looked amazing in Rampant Red. And we all agreed that Glenda* had just the right eye colour for Forever Charcoal liner, but smugly informed her with our new found knowledge, ‘only if it was worn two thirds of the way in from the outer edge of the eye’.

So clutching my new makeup kit and safe in the knowledge that my Fruity Lush blusher was on order, I left the safe confines of the makeup school and marched back to the office with my head in the air.

Now I’m on my own. And I’m mildly concerned. Those of you who have ever emerged from the hairdressers looking like a new woman only to firmly revert to the old one within 48 hours will understand my anxt. I now have to recreate that glamorous girl without the aid of two highly qualified and wonderful teachers.

But I will. I have my crib sheet, my list of what goes where, with which brush and how.

And I want to find that glamour puss again. She was great. She wasn’t worried about being older than Apollo 13. She didn’t give a hoot about being the wrong side of a size 16. She felt good. And if all it takes is a dab of Fruity Lush, a dash of Queen Pashmina and a flick with Forever Charcoal – then I’m in!

Thanks to Stratford Make-Up School for a truly uplifting experience. You are experts in make-up and in giving women a major confidence boost! http://www.stratfordmakeupschool.co.uk/

*No names, no pack-drill.

 

 

What do you use your exercise bike for?

Small changes : big results: For those of you who are not averse to a little gamble, this is one that could start to pay off big time. And if you’ve never tried it, it could change your life!

A bold statement maybe, but if you feel overwhelmed at the prospect of tackling a large weight-loss programme, getting that book written or changing your life out of all recognition, there could be hope for you yet.

In my work as a coach I observe a number of responses when people are faced with a major project and the majority can be grouped into four categories:

1. Just do it

People in this category are in control of the pesky demons that tell them they can’t, they have plenty of motivation and don’t know the meaning of the words ‘slob on the sofa’ – they just get on and do it. And this article is probably not for them.

2. I’ll start tomorrow

If you’re in this category, you’ll find anything you can that keeps you occupied so you don’t have time to start on a project. I’ll start tomorrow-ers may have very clean skirting boards and become defensive if anyone dares tell them they’re procrastinating!

3. Smash and grab

We’ve all been there: jumped in with both feet, gone at it hammer and tongs for a couple of weeks and then utterly lost interest and walked away. How many half written novels have you got in your drawer? How many diet books have you got on the shelf? Have you got an unused exercise bike/abdominal cruncher/Swiss ball in the house? I rest my case.

4. Small changes : big results

Now these people have discovered a secret. By making small adjustments to their lifestyle that don’t impact on their day to day too much, then over time they can move forward an incredible amount.

And this is the approach that has changed my life this year. Because after watching a weight loss programme on TV where the subjects lost incredible amounts of weight over a year, it dawned on me that they achieved these spectacular results because they applied the changes they were making every single day over a set period of time – so the end was always in sight! Now these people had to make massive lifestyle changes and the results were truly amazing in some cases. But apply the principle to your own major projects and BINGO! you’ve got a fantastic formula to work with.

I tried it. On the basis that it takes three weeks to change a habit, I set myself a goal at the beginning of the year to walk for one hour every day for three weeks. After a month I couldn’t bear the thought of not having my daily walk and even upped the pace so I was covering twice as much distance in the hour. In four months I’ve lost a noticeable amount of weight. Spurred on by this success, I’ve started applying the same principle to other projects that have been lurking – some of them for years.

And the to-do list is definitely shrinking along with my waist-line.

The secret is to make the changes small enough that they are not an issue. Don’t say: “I’m going to give up chocolate until the summer holidays,” because for someone who loves chocolate enough that they have to cut down, that’s going to be really hard to stick to. Instead say: “I’m going to have 20% less chocolate each week and do 50 more stomach crunches every day for the next six weeks.” After six weeks, the chances are you will have absorbed this into your routine and be ready for another small change.

Don’t have a day off work and promise yourself you’re going to spring-clean the house, start your book, do your marketing plan, finish 10-weeks’ worth of ironing and do a shabby-chic paint job on the sideboard – you won’t do anything! Either pick one thing you know you will enjoy getting done or if you’re trying to catch up with the jobs, allow yourself two hours and do half an hour on four things. You may not finish them, but they’ll be less daunting as a result and this way you get time to go for a walk in the sunshine/read a magazine/meet a friend for coffee or one of the other gazillion things you’d really rather be doing!

So if you’re set to change your world and finding it hard to get – or stay – motivated, try making small changes for a set period of time and see where it brings you to. The big results may spur you on to do more!

Do you need a ‘think break’?

Have you been hit by ‘bank holidayitis’ – that strange limbo-land normal life simply can’t penetrate? Have you been buried under a mountain of chocolate and family gatherings, abandoning all hope of keeping to your routine? I have: daily power walk: gone. 10 minutes ironing every day: gone. Book-writing: gone. Front, side and one-legged planks: well they definitely went.

Why? I stepped back. For four days I was in that wonderful world where I didn’t have to do accounts with one hand, spag bol with the other, while keeping one eye on orders and the other on the time.

Yes Easter has been a time to switch off the routine and indulge ever so slightly more in all that I love: family and friends, fizz and chocolate. And stepping back from it all is good for you. Being ‘away’ gives us space to think and pay attention to the stuff outside our day-to-day doings. Stepping back gives us a different perspective, the space to lift up our heads and view the horizon. And when we see the bigger picture we set our sights differently from when we’re immersed in the flurry of our daily hurry.

Many of us have lives that are casualties of too many demands on our time and energy. In the face of this it can be hard to see – or even care – if our daily activity is moving us forward to where we want to be in life or keeping us concreted firmly in the same place.

If this resonates with you and you feel you’re too busy running the gauntlet of everyday to have time to consider what’s next, then it could be time to take a ‘think break’. And whether you plan a weekend away to walk along a windswept beach and let your mind soar or simply arrange to get the kids out of the house for a couple of hours, you deserve to have that time to stop and check your pulse. If it’s thud, thudding in time with the drudge of monotony, then how are you going to get it racing in anticipation of your next exciting project?

Here are three kick-starters:

1. If you’ve lost sight of – or perhaps never had sight of – what will get your heart racing (allowable heartthrobs excepted) then focus on your passions. If you could get up tomorrow and spend the day doing whatever you like, what would it be? Shopping? Maybe you’re a budding fashionista. Eating? Maybe you’re a gourmet cook in the making. Reading? Maybe there’s a researcher in you just trying to break out. Look at what you love doing and it’s a good starting point for letting yourself explore how that could translate into what you’ll love doing!
2. Who has the life you love? It could be the woman down the street who has retired at the age of 38 and lives on less money, but does more with her time. It could be a colleague who seems to have so much more confidence than you and always gets heard in meetings. It could be someone famous who has made their dreams come true. Learning from other people on how they did it is a great place to start. Read your idol’s biography, talk to your colleague and pick their brains, have a coffee with the woman down the road and find out how she managed to break free.
3. Make an action plan. Break it down into small, achievable tasks and give yourself realistic deadlines. Find out what help you’ll need to complete each task and plan in some proper time to get cracking. If you’re after a big life move, like changing careers, relocating or starting a business, you’ll need to take it in stages. If it’s a simpler approach of introducing nice things into your life, identify what it is and just do it. And if you need help, hire a life coach, ask a colleague to mentor you or ask a friend to be your nagging buddy.

But whatever you do: it’s your life : live it!

Sorry Sir the dog ate my homework…

What was the last excuse you made? And I’m not talking here about the time you claimed it was only a virulent and very rare form of food poisoning that was stopping you helping at the coffee morning “and you REALLY wished you could be there”. I’m more interested in excuses that go along the lines of: “I won’t go to the gym tonight because….” while persuading yourself that some pressing task really does need your urgent attention first.

Because when it comes to making excuses to ourselves it’s oh-so easy to sound convincing. The coffee morning organiser may be tut-tutting over your ability to lie so glibly, but your conscience has a streak of gullibility that would make the youngest of toddlers seem streetwise.

Of course you don’t have time/money/energy to go shopping and it’ll be OK to have pizza and chips again for tea, it’s simply not safe to go out running alone after 6pm, you can’t give yourself a pedicure tonight because your daughter has oboe practice, there’s no point starting to write a novel until you’ve got a new laptop, you’ll be home too late to start the decorating and at the weekend you’ll be busy cleaning….

The list of excuses we’ll use to stop ourselves doing the things that are – deep down – important to us is endless. But next time you start to assure yourself that you simply can’t do so and so ‘because’, pause and ask what’s really stopping you? Dig deep. If what you get is confirmation that you’re just being lazy, then get a grip and kick yourself into gear. If, on the other hand, you’re finding excuses to stop yourself making changes like: having a fit and healthy body, writing a book, going after a new job, starting a business, then it’s time to sit down and find out what’s really holding you back.

• If you have a decision to make about a major change in your life, like moving house, ending a relationship, changing careers or starting a business it can be terrifying contemplating life without the constant you are used to. Try getting a clear picture of how you want your life to look after you’ve made the change and try it on for size. Get used to thinking about your life in this way. Get your thoughts down on paper about the details. For example, if you’re looking for a career change, hammer out what the ‘must haves’ are for you and what you can be flexible on. Try using words like: ‘will, shall, am going to’, rather than ‘hope to, could, maybe’ around the new situation.
• Are you avoiding tackling a weight or fitness issue? It’s easy to put our lives on hold ‘until we’ve lost some weight’ and conversely this can hold us back from losing weight, because as we know, change can be scary. Try making your weight loss and fitness goals about the activity you do rather than announcing you’re ‘going to lose two stone by the end of the month’. If you have a long way to go it can be hard to sustain a strict diet or heavy exercise regime, so identify areas where you can consume less and move more that won’t send you screaming for the biscuit tin or inventing injuries after three weeks! Try setting short-term challenges so you don’t get bored.
• If you’re making excuses because you have a big project to do and don’t know quite where to start, make a detailed action plan. Break your plan down into TSTs (tiny specific tasks) that are easy to achieve. You can include research in your plan which may help you get started and understand more about what you need to do. So if you’ve been putting off starting the novel because you haven’t the first idea about how to write a book, check out the Writers’ and Artists’ Year Book for tips or follow other aspiring authors on Twitter for example.
• If you’ve stalled in excuse-land because you can’t find the oomph to move forward with something, it’s time to take a long, close look at whether you actually want to do it at all. So set aside some time to work through your thoughts and do it or ditch it!

The art of getting it done…

An alarming number of us have one. And whether yours is the marketing strategy for a £700m business or a 10-foot stack of ironing, the ability to avoid making a start on certain tasks afflicts even the most disciplined amongst us. So if you’re shoving receipts into an already overstuffed wallet with a promise to do six months’ expenses tomorrow or avoiding asking new friends round for dinner because at least two of them will have to eat off Winnie the Pooh plates, it may just be time to meet the challenge head on.

In fact we can become so adept at avoiding a task that it grows three heads and becomes a monster we simply don’t feel able to stand up to.

A good friend of mine once confided there was an expensive hand wash only jumper at the bottom of her wash basket. Months went by and she couldn’t face up to the cashmere challenge and fear of shrinkage. She avoided the jumper at all costs – eventually convinced it must have started rotting. Sadly it’s not a happy ending. After eight years she confessed! Her husband took matters into his own hands and ‘dealt with’ the jumper, which I understand was entire, but stiff.

If you’ve got rotting jumper syndrome, try these top tips for slaying the monster:

1. Talk to it. Coax yourself out of hiding so you can see the scale of the task. If you’re avoiding the spare room because it’s rammed with stuff, go and sit in it. Work out how you want the room to look. This will give you a good idea of what needs to be shipped out or changed to achieve it.

2. Make a start. Just take 10 minutes and do one thing. If you haven’t touched your accounts for the last seven months and can’t give them to the bookkeeper until they’re in some sort of order, try sorting your receipts into months or print off all the electronic invoices you’ve received – it doesn’t matter what you do, just start!

3. Rope in some help. If you can’t quite bring yourself to throw out those leather Escada trousers from 1989, ask a friend to help with your sort out. Objectivity can be priceless.

4. Make sure you’ve got all the tools for the job. It’s no good tackling the marketing strategy if you’ve no idea how much market share you have or want. You can’t spring clean the bedroom if you’ve run out of polish and you won’t get very far with your e-newsletter if your mailing list isn’t up to scratch. And not having the right screwdriver handy will give you the perfect excuse not to get on with it!

5. Ask for input. Are you putting it off because you’re unsure where to start? It’s not always easy to hold up your hands and ask for help. If you see it as a weakness, change your thinking. Think wider than just your immediate colleagues: professional bodies, Linked In groups, Twitter, there’s plenty of people to ask that won’t see your request as anything out of the ordinary.

6. Make it impossible to put it off any longer. If all else fails empty the box that needs sorting onto your bed, tell your boss you’ll be presenting the strategy to the board at the next meeting, invite your friends around for dinner in two weeks’ time, try on the leather trousers from 1989 – if you can get them higher than your knees, trust me, they’re going to look ridiculous.

Find the spring in your step…

It’s funny how this time of year can either inspire or expire your motivation. Being a September baby, I always find the autumn exhilarating and I’m filled with energy for new projects and exciting plans to squeeze in before the end of December. I know others who, as Christmas looms, turn into prophets of doom ever feeling the need to roll off the exact number of weeks and days left until Christmas Day.

Whether autumn is your best time of year or not, it can be particularly hard when you’re huddled in your dressing gown as you sip your tea on a dark morning, to feel motivated to do much more than get through the work of the day. Any thoughts of changing your life, getting out of the rut or even trying a new hairstyle are way too tiring to think about until the spring.

But finding the spring in your step needn’t be about changing the world right now. Taking change step by step can excite and energise you as you tweak minor areas on your way to creating your great life. And those long winter evenings can be great opportunities for a ten-minute tweak. The telly beckons I know, but before settling down in slump mode, why not pledge to do something different for a few minutes one evening over the weekend?

It’s amazing how important watching a repeat of a motoring programme can suddenly become when there’s the challenge of doing something different down on the table. But even if you only take 10 minutes to clean out a drawer, make that phonecall you’ve been putting off, measure up for the shelves you need or take a brisk walk around the block – you’ll be suprised at how good you feel after a 10-minute tweak.

Of course the 10-minute tweak strategy is really about moving you from where you are to where you want to be. Applying it to your life goals as well as your kitchen drawers will be just as effective in moving you forward as it is in de-cluttering your home.

My 10-minute tweak today was to start a blog – slightly more than 10 minutes – but I hope you enjoyed it. I’m tweaking my way to a great new life – why don’t you join me?