Hi Ho, Hi Ho!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s back to work we go! So have you got a spring in your step for the brand new year or are you struggling to get upright after way too many mince pies? Are you raring to go and at the start of an exciting new chapter in your life or mildly alarmed at the prospect of yet another year being clocked up?

Either way, the New Year is a really great time to rejuvenate yourself and embark on your plan.

“My plan? What plan?” I hear you cry.

Ah, well this is what the New Year is all about for people like me. It’s about getting people like you cracking on doing what you want to do. OK, OK – if you’re already doing what you want to do, go and have a cup of tea and wait until next week’s article. This one’s solely for those of you who have that vague feeling that there has to be more to life than this. For those of you who have always wanted to X, Y or Z but never had the time/ energy/ money/ courage to do it.

Now could be your time to seize the opportunity. Because there truly is something about the New Year that makes us draw a line under the old way of doing things. It’s a demarcation. Something that gives us the opportunity to start afresh. And if nothing else it gives us a big, fat 12 month window in which to succeed!

So you like that idea do you? Well here are some tips to get you started:

1. Take yourself off to a quiet place and cast your mind forward 12 months. It’s January 2014. Now introduce yourself to me. Who are you and what do you do? Where are you living? What are you wearing? Who is/isn’t in your life? What’s the best bit about your day? How does your day look? Just this once you can go on a bit and go into lots of detail!

2. What’s the main thing that’s changed from your life now?

3. Take this thing as your big ticket item. Imagine it is achievable. Write down some headline steps you could take to make it happen. Lottery wins aren’t allowed but, for example, if in 12 months you are a bestselling author, one of the headline steps to make that happen will be: write a book.

4. Now take your headline steps and start breaking them down into chunks. For your book you may want to think about storyline, chapter headings, word count etc.

5. Now take the chunks and break them down into TSTs (Tiny Specific Tasks). Your TSTs should be so small that it’s a doddle to complete them!

Oh look, you’ve got a plan!

There’s still time to join our January Rutbuster – the three-week ecourse to rejuvenate your life!  Sign up here

2013. What’s in it for you?

So what’s on your mind as we approach the holiday season? Are you caught up in a whirlwind of activity creating the perfect Christmas for loved ones? Maybe you’re trying to avoid the frenzy altogether or just wishing it was all over? Whatever your thoughts are about Christmas, we’re also about to embark on a brand new year. What’s in it for you? Excitement? Fear? Opportunity? Change? Or is it a case of the same old, same old.

If you’re about to roll out the trusty New Year’s resolutions that have featured for the last five years, STOP! It’s that time of year when I shout: “Don’t resolutionise… revolutionise!”

You see the trouble with resolutions is they are just that: resolutions. It all seems so easy at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Of course you’re going to change jobs/ lose two stone/ finish the book/ get promoted. But once the lustre (aka fizzy wine) has worn off and you’re faced with writing 100,000 words, dusting your gym kit off, telling your boss you’re the best thing since sliced bread or making yourself sound like Superwoman on your CV – it can be easier to put it down to wishful thinking and just carry on as before. So why not make 2013 the year to do it differently and turn those resolutions into revolutions?

Before you can set about changing things, you’ve got to decide exactly what you want. How do you want things to be? You need to be specific here. It’s no good just deciding that you want to be promoted. You need to be clear about the details: what the role could be, how it fits into the structure of the organisation, how it benefits them, what attributes you have that will make it possible etc etc.

Once you’ve sorted out those little nuggets, you’ll have to make a plan of how you’re going to make it happen. And your plan needs to be a cracker. It needs to be broken down into TSTs (Tiny Specific Tasks) and carefully constructed in a way that makes you get on with it. And of course, once you’ve made your plan, you’ve actually got to get off your bum and do it!

If you’ve wanted to do something differently in your life and haven’t, the chances are you may need to deal with some pesky demons and shake off a bit of baggage. And this is where a good coach can help. So many of us sabotage ourselves because we’re scared to do it differently. And believe me, changing your life does take courage.  But changing things isn’t about delving into past pain or focusing on what you feel may be inadequacies, it’s about playing to your strengths and finding a way through the obstacles. It’s about stretching yourself and saying ‘yes’ to new things. It’s about revolutionising your life.

So here’s to a Merry Christmas and a splendiferous 2013.

And if you’re looking to do it differently in 2013, join us on The Rutbuster. Our three-week ecourse runs from Monday 7 January 2013 and could be just what you need! Sign up here

Are you being expertise-burgled?

Most of us are supportive at work and will happily give others a helping hand if we can. But at what point does asking someone for a favour become expertise-burgling? In the film The Holiday Kate Winslet’s longing for a self-absorbed oaf sees her selflessly give him every ounce of support she can to help him make it to the top. When he bags a powerful sex-goddess as his fiancée, Kate realises her foolishness and removes herself from his life. It’s a film. He’s the baddie. Yet it’s a story that’s played out all too often in the workplace and not necessarily involving could-be lovers.

I’ve heard tales from feisty, intelligent and very senior corporate executives about being sucked in by expertise burglars. And I’m fascinated that upstanding members of society can be so blatant in their ability to repeatedly steal another person’s time, energy and professional judgement. One woman – a function head in a global business – was texting amends to a colleague’s report while at her Aunt’s funeral. She told me that it didn’t strike her as odd until she saw the look of astonishment on her husband’s face. Let’s be clear. This wasn’t anything related to her own role. It was a favour. Yet it took this to help her understand that her colleague was taking the mickey (yes he did know she was at the funeral) and that she needed to set some clearer boundaries.

What seems to set expertise burglars apart from the rest of us is a ruthless streak that disables their ‘not polite to ask’ gene. Once a pattern of behaviour has been established, it can be hard to question. One senior manager was so used to getting weekend requests for work-related favours from a ‘mate’ in another part of the business, that one Saturday she cancelled a family outing to re-write an urgent and lengthy report that he’d asked for her help with and to get back the same day. She only smelt a rat when she couldn’t get hold of him to check he’d received it. It turned out he’d been out hiking in the Lake District and had no intention of looking at until Monday morning.

“More fool them”, I hear you say. But beware. Often you won’t even realise your expertise is being raided. These burglars aren’t plagiarising – they’re not stealing your work and putting it across as their own. These are people who expect ‘mates’ rates’ without the rates. Once is a favour, twice is a big favour – more than that you might want to let their calls go to answerphone!

 

 

 

The juggler

Juggling. Look in the dictionary and you’ll see it means ‘to throw and catch several objects continuously so that most are in the air all the time’. Every day vast numbers of us are pulling off balancing acts of extraordinary skill as we keep an increasing number of balls in the air. OK, we may not always get it right. A complete meltdown was narrowly avoided recently when I caught myself about to compile monthly figures on a tray of baking potatoes instead of my trusty laptop. Luckily the oven wasn’t preheated. And if you’ve ever run out of the house on a dark morning to deliver a blisteringly good presentation to a client and then done so wearing odd shoes, I empathise.

Time and motion: it’s a great mantra. But whereas the surge of guilt at hissing sales figures into the Blackberry while waving at your darling in the nativity may be uncomfortable, an awful lot of us do actually thrive on a good old juggle. So for those who are devotees of the doctrine: ‘If you want something done, ask a busy person’, is there such a thing as a juggle too far? Or is the attempt at maximising every micro-second leaving us in a miasma of forgotten birthdays, over-burdened friends and an array of domestic catastrophes our grandmothers would faint at?

For those of you who have ever ended up giving Tesco flowers instead of the Space NK candle you meant to, these tips are for you:

1. It doesn’t have to be perfect

Ask yourself ‘so what?’ and have the confidence to smile in the face of an imperfect world. Perfectionism is a pernicious saboteur that will wear you out or stop you from delivering. The woman who took nine months to produce a brochure because it had to be perfect comes to mind. The brochure was good. Her reputation of being able to deliver on time and budget was in tatters.

2. What can you ditch?

Make a list of everything you are juggling right now. Divide it into:

Must haves : Might lose : Can lose

Take a look at anything you do that isn’t essential to your livelihood, happiness, wellbeing or peace of mind. One client stopped answering her phone to a colleague after work. Every night the colleague felt liberated after spending her ‘dead’ time in the car downloading about her day. Every night my client felt exhausted and resentful at repeatedly losing a whole hour of her day being supportive.

3. Tiny Specific Tasks

Take time each evening to prepare a cracking to do list for the following day. Make sure you break your list down into Tiny Specific Tasks and accept help. The downside of taking on the world is that we often feel we have to do it singlehandedly. We don’t!

marykeeley.com

Good vibrations

It’s terrifying. I’ve been reading one of those law of attraction books – you know – the ones that talk about vibrational energy and thinking good thoughts. It’s great stuff. But I’m finding it very stressful. I can while away hours at work smiling and singing to myself – I love my job. I’ll even sit with my coffee and imagine the Range Rover parked on the drive (the book tells you to go into great detail here, so I’ve plumped for a black one with cream leather interior). But then yesterday I had my tax bill. I plummeted into a scowling shadow of my former self. A stroppy note arrived in my inbox from someone I’ve never heard of about something that was nothing to do with me and savaged my good humour. Yes a number of minor irritations intruded on my day, stretching my compassion for humankind to breaking point. And now I’m worried. By filling my head with negative thoughts have I undone all that good vibrating? Will I now find myself swimming in a sea of stroppy strangers while the black Range Rover stays firmly parked at the dealership?

I don’t actually believe that simply sitting dreaming of a luxury car will make it miraculously appear on my drive. But I do believe that a positive mental attitude – PMA – is essential to help me work my way towards one. It took me more than seven years after I qualified as a professional life coach to take that bold step and transform my life from corporate executive to coach and writer. And one of the main reasons I didn’t do it sooner was a complete lack of belief that I could actually hack it as a business woman. But I did. It took courage, energy and – yes – a great deal of PMA to get here. On good days when people are signing up for courses and calls are coming in from across the world nothing can shake my faith. But on those days where I’m faced with stretching myself a wee bit too far out of Zone Comfort or when a potential deal comes back as ‘maybe’ rather than ‘yes’, it’s the PMA that keeps me going and helps me slay the pesky demons in my head that are telling me ‘you can’t’.

One of the fundamental parts of my coaching role is to help people set targets. And being able to draw a detailed picture of what you want your life to look like is important. If you want to be hot to trot, you’ve got to have a clear idea of what you’re going after. So no, I don’t believe a bolt of lightning will actually deliver a shiny new Range Rover into my care. I don’t believe that cursing the bird who pooed down my washing as it billowed on the line will kybosh my chances of wearing Christian Louboutins to the Christmas party. But I do believe that being clear about what we want to do, have and be in life and having a sound self-belief that we can actually achieve those things are essential ingredients in designing the life we want.

www.marykeeley.com

Are you faking it?

‘Fake it ’til you make it’: my own forays into faking it have been largely confined to the board room: nodding sagely as weird construction terminology was bandied around. I had a great ability to lead the whole room to believe I was totally at home with ‘firring’ and ‘Flemish bonds’ when in reality I was mildly alarmed they were actually talking about something quite unsavoury.

Making it

On the flip side have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re not faking it but those around you simply haven’t cottoned on? It may be ages since you were promoted, so why do people just not seem to get it? Maybe you’re applying for more senior roles but don’t ever get past interview or the job offer comes in but with less salary than you were expecting?

Mixing your messages

Are you mixing your messages? When you’re nodding furiously in the board room be careful you’re not giving the game away with a look of abject bewilderment on your face. What about promotion? It’s not always easy for the team around you to adjust. Are you hindering them? One client, ‘Julia’, couldn’t understand why the team weren’t taking her seriously since her promotion. “They don’t take any notice of me. I end up having to be more aggressive to make them listen and that causes conflict.” ‘Julia’ had tried not to let promotion go to her head. She was struggling to make the transition between being a liked member of the team and a respected leader of the team. In an attempt to stop any resentment at her promotion, she’d been rolling up her sleeves and mucking in. This meant the team was also struggling to make the transition to having ‘Julia’ as their leader – she was giving them the message nothing had changed – and that’s how they responded.

Mind your language

Another client ‘Sarah’ was in discussion with a corporate about a senior role. An offer was made, but much lower than she was expecting – she was frustrated that with her credentials and experience she didn’t seem to have convinced them of her worth. I critiqued the email exchange she’d had with her prospective employer. Her words gave the game away. Like many of us, ‘Sarah’ had her own internal wobbles about achieving her potential – perhaps deep down, there was fear about stepping into the top job of her dreams. Her language gave it away and her emails simply didn’t carry the weight of someone at such a senior level – and that’s how she was perceived.

So whether you’re faking it or you’ve made it, make sure your body, words and behaviour are backing it up. Show the world you really believe it!

Mary Keeley is a professional women’s coach and communications guru. An ex-corporate communications head she spent years faking it and making it in the construction industry before establishing her boutique company working exclusively with professional women who want to take it to the top.

www.marykeeley.com

 

How are you entering the second half?

We’ve peaked. We’re past the half-way point. The summer sale signs are being plastered up in shop windows and people are traipsing around in flip flops and strappy dresses resigned to the fact that if they don’t shiver their way around town now, their summer pastels may never see the light of day. And for anyone who hasn’t tried it, flip flops in the rain aren’t great.

So how are you entering the second half? Is it all to play for or game over?

Did you do it in the first half of 2012? Are you running around with your top over your head and your hands in the air? Or have you taken your eye off the ball and slunk onto the side lines?

Football analogies aside, this is for all of you who planned to do something differently in 2012. To write a book, start a business, change jobs, lose three stone, give up smoking, cut down on alcohol, save up for a new sofa, walk every day, revamp the house, do a cookery course and entertain more, start a college course, learn Spanish or go vegetarian. This isn’t about those fizz-filled resolutions you vaguely recall earnestly pledging at five past midnight on 1 January 2012. This is about plans. Real plans. Statements of intent and a real sense that THIS year it’s going to be different.

Because if this is ringing a bell with you and making you feel mildly guilty/useless/slightly narky and bringing lots of excuses to your lips, then ssshhhh. Don’t fret. There’s time to turn it around.

Start with the biggie. What do you want to have achieved by the end of 2012? Stretch yourself here, but don’t go mad. If it’s going to take a lottery win or a great-aunt you’ve never heard of to leave you a million for your plan to succeed, you may want to focus on taking some steps towards it rather than trying to go the whole hog.

Break your plan down into six monthly chunks. What can you achieve in July, August, September, November and December? Now break it down into weekly, then daily chunks. So if you want to make progress on writing your book, 500 words a day will be 3500 a week and suddenly by the end of the year you’ll have written 84,000 words – a bit better than the first half of 2012 maybe?

If you’re overwhelming desire was to lose two stone and you’ve been down and dirty with the diet of the decade, but still seem to be wobbling when you laugh, try cutting down on one thing and/or get a couple of power walks in a week. One pound a week lost between now and New Year’s Eve will see you drop almost two stone and this year’s party dress could be two sizes smaller than last year’s.

So we may be over the hump, but it doesn’t have to be all downhill from here. As Martin Luther King said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

Here’s to a great second half.

Does your grass need to be greener?

If you’re feeling more ‘bedraggled bunting’ than jubilation as you return to work after the break, it could be time to look at why. Because although the spread sheet may be glazing over as you dream of another life in the sun, the grass could actually get greener on this side of the fence with just a little watering!

Take – we’ll call her – Liz. Liz is a senior manager working in London. She works hard. Really hard. Liz is well-respected and very good at what she does.

The juggling starts at about 6.30am when Liz is applying lippy with one hand and steering cereal into her little one with the other. As she’s loading Little One into the car, she’s checking her phone, barking instructions at Hubby about the afternoon pick up and re-checking her phone.

After 10-minutes willing the traffic to go faster and shouting, “C’MONNNN”, she hands over Little One at nursery and plunges back into the stress stream, arriving at the station with seconds to spare. She sprints up the station steps in four inch heels and neatly alights the train, coinciding perfectly with its arrival at the platform edge.

Immediately she’s on the phone reorganising the agenda for her 10am meeting, searching for last month’s figures amongst the papers heaped in her lap and up to her elbow in her bag frantically trying to reach her purse in time for the coffee trolley.

She arrives in London and after a mercifully short tube journey with her nose rammed into a stranger’s armpit, reaches the office in time to brief her team, grab half an hour with her boss before whisking, perfectly poised, into the 10am meeting. Liz survives on a diet of coffee and a couple of chocolate chip cookies she grabbed off the plate in her meeting and by the time she’s kissing Little One ‘hello’ again he’s been bathed and put to bed by Hubby.

She can barely think straight as she pours a glass of wine and waits for Hubby to serve up the delicious something that’s bubbling on the stove. By the time dinner is over, it’s 9.30pm and she has eight and a half hours to check over three reports, ping off some emails to the US, iron her dress for tomorrow and sleep – before the whole cycle starts again.

Liz loves her job, but increasingly finds herself dreaming of lying on a sunbed with a stack of books. You see, for Liz, work has stealthily crossed the line and become all-consuming. She was powerless to stop it – she didn’t notice it happening.

It’s time for Liz to start rediscovering life as a fulfilled mother and career woman:

1. Nurture: stick to a diet of caffeine, sugar and alcohol and by the time she’s 50, Liz is going to look like a well-worn dishcloth: grey, wrinkly and seen better days. Eating well, drinking water and getting outside for at least 30 minutes a day will do wonders for her energy levels and her skin.

2. Boundaries: Worried she’ll be seen wanting if she doesn’t respond in seconds to the 11pm emails from the HR Director – Liz’s phone is never far from her hand. Stepping back – even for a few hours – will re-energise her and help her see the bigger picture.

3. Guilt: Liz has a deep sense of guilt for not spending enough time with Little One and being too worn out to be much of a companion for Hubby. She needs to find a way to flex around her family and her career so there’s enough of her in both places. Working at home one day a week or committing to catching an earlier train a couple of nights a week will start to give her some balance and be good for the whole family.

 

Writers’ block?

It’s a mere 650 words. For the writers amongst us – that’s a doddle: a pleasant way to spend an hour in fact. So why am I sitting sighing over a stubbornly blank laptop screen? Ah well, that would be because it’s a 650-word article for a magazine. And that makes a difference doesn’t it?

Suddenly I’m lost for words. The opening line of the article has to hit ‘em between the eyes and the fear of sounding ill-informed or – heavens above – boring seems to be paralysing my brain.

I’m a voracious writer. To have my hands hovering and unproductive over the keyboard is tantamount to losing my voice and – judging by the pleas for help I get on Twitter and email – a sorry state of affairs I’m obviously not alone in.

But years of having to produce timely and topical wordage for magazines, journals, newspapers and high falutin’ CEO types have taught me this: just start. Because once you start tapping ‘the flow’ will creep up on you. You won’t always notice it’s arrived. But oh the joy when you realise you’ve written a page that’s actually not too bad and the day is saved.

I still find it difficult to write without a title at the top of the page. An annoying little habit I picked up when starting out as a junior press officer. I would sit and stare at the empty screen unable to begin until a headline-clinching title was in place. And I’ve never actually got past this. But too many cases of impending panic over missing a deadline have taught me this: just start. It is possible for me to find ‘the flow’ without the award-winning whizz bang title every time. Put something, anything, in bold at the top of the page and get cracking.

There’s a theme emerging here: ‘just start’. Writers’ block can be a manifestation of a whole host of irksome issues. Some writers amongst us may have deep-seated fears about being good enough. Some may find it hard to hold forth on topics that don’t excite. But whether you are procrastinating because you don’t want to be exposed as the terrible author that, deep down, you know you are (scoff) or you’re constantly making cups of tea because you really can’t work up a passion for writing about the merits of a particular floor cleaner, one thing’s for sure: you won’t get anywhere unless you start.

If the prospect of producing 180,000 words for your first novel is so daunting that all you ever say is, “I’m writing a book” and never, “I’ve written a book”. Then it’s time to start. Nobody says you have to write 180,000 words this week. If you can write 2,500 words in a day, that’s 72 days of writing – now that doesn’t sound so bad does it? Plan your daily words target in around your research, plotting and your day job and you’ve a nice tidy schedule to work with. You’ll have your fat manuscript in your hot little hand before you can say, ‘proof-reading’.

Yes it’s so easy isn’t it?

But, I hear you cry, “What if they find it boring? What if they laugh at my writing style? What if there’s someone out there better than me? What if they say, ‘no’? What if Auntie Gladys sees I’ve written about men’s nether regions and thinks I’m a trollop? What if it’s total tosh? What if I do all that work and it’s not a bestseller? What if they can’t even give it away? What if they ask for more and I’m a one-hit wonder?”

Yes our pesky demons are just brilliant at throwing these little ‘what if’s’ into the fray – ‘what if’s’ that are probably responsible for a great many unwritten masterpieces. Perhaps it’s time for you to put your pesky demons and their wailing cries in their place, even if they may be right on one or two counts. (I have it on good authority that Auntie Gladys considers men’s nether regions quite unmentionable.)

And if the ’what if’s’ persist, ask yourself this: “So what?” and just start!

If you’re having trouble beating off the pesky demons that are holding you back from writing. Get writing! on my three week e-course: Get writing!

 

 

Business woman stripes

It was great to catch up with a former colleague over coffee today and laugh out loud about the old days. Days that hold fond memories, but days that are light-years away from where I am now. You see I’ve been through a transformation. It’s a relatively recent thing. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s happened during the last few weeks. And I’m not talking about a new hairdo.

If you’ve got a minute, I’ll explain, because it may help you if you’re facing a period of change.

The story of metamorphosis from corporate executive to business owner is not uncommon. It’s like buying a red car, once you’ve got one you see them everywhere. The minute I jacked it all in to start up my own business in 2010, far from being unique, I quickly realised I was one of an increasing army of women who had done the same. And I make no bones about it, we’re a force to be reckoned with.

So I did all the things you’re supposed to do: joined networking groups, got a website, had business cards printed, honed my elevator pitch for use at said networking groups, ditched the corporate suits for softer, more stylish clothes and really got my teeth into being a successful business woman. But something was missing. I now realise the road to becoming an entrepreneur is not all about networking and straplines. For the transformation to be complete there has to be an inward shift.

And that’s what’s happened. I’ve had the inward shift. I’m no longer saying to people: “I’m a life coach and writer but I used to be a corporate executive.” Now the introduction is, “I’m Mary Keeley. I’m a life coach and writer.” I’m no longer a former corporate die-hard playing at being in business, I’m a fully-fledged business woman with a big smile and a spring in her step.

I’m not entirely sure when this transformation happened, or exactly why. Was there a trigger? Did I pass some mysterious test set by unknown business gurus? Or is there simply a rite of passage that one has to go through to emerge on the other side complete with ‘business woman’ stripes?

All I do know is that I’ve prised my fingers away, one by one, from the corporate comfort blanket and I’m flying the entrepreneurial flag. And it feels great.

I’ve passed through a portal into a new world that feels as comfortable as the old corporate world once felt. I could giggle when I say to people, “I’m a life coach and writer,” because I’ve been liberated from that no-man’s land of transition and loss of identity.

Because that’s the crux of the inward shift. I’m no longer caught between two worlds, not fully knowing in which I belong – or indeed – in which I want to be. The transformation is complete. But it took a while and a good dose of self-belief to get here. I’ve a way to go before I get my first billion in the bank, but in the meantime, there’s a sense of rightness about my life that’s grown from the inside as well as the outside.

The moral of the story? When you lose your ‘badge’ it can be bewildering. There’s a grieving process to go through, even if you’re happy with the change. As all that’s familiar drops away and you tiptoe into uncharted waters it’s a time to be bold, be brave and ignore those pesky demons urging you to stay put or go back.

Despite their vociferous tones, pesky demons are generally total wimps and will always try to hold you back in case you hurt yourself. Of course if they’re shouting “don’t cross the road, there’s a juggernaut coming,” it’s best to listen, but if they’re saying, “don’t say you’re a business woman, people will laugh at you,” just ignore them and say it loud and clear!

If it’s time for you to bust out of your rut and start creating a life you love, why not have a 30-minute life coaching taster session with me, Mary Keeley? My gift to you to help you get cracking!

Email me: mary@marykeeley.com to book a slot or find out more at: marykeeley.com